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The committee did not officially know why the apparently inconsequential reference to soda-water at the Wimberger should move Deputy Gregorig to call the utterer of it a cowardly blatherskite; still, after proper deliberation, it was of the opinion that the House ought to formally censure the whole business. This verdict seems to have been regarded as sharply severe. I think so because Deupty Dr. Lueger, Burgermeister of Vienna, felt it a duty to soften the blow to his friend Gregorig by showing that the soda-water remark was not so innocuous as it might look; that, indeed, Gregorig's tough retory was justifiable--and he proceeded to explain why. He read a number of scandalous post-cards which he intimated had proceeded from Iro, as indicated by the handwriting, though they were anonymous. Some of them were posted to Gregorig at his place of business and could have been read by all his subordinates; the others were posted to Gregorig's wife. Lueger did not say--but everybody knew-- that the cards referred to a matter of town gossip which made Mr. Gregorig a chief actor in a tavern scene where siphon-squirting played a prominent and humorous part, and wherein women had a share. There were several of the cards; more than several, in fact; no fewer than five were sent in one day. Dr. Lueger read some of them, and described others. Some of them had pictures on them; one a picture of a hog with a monstrous snout, and beside it a squirting soda-siphon; below it some sarcastic doggerel. Gregorig dealt in shirts, cravats, etc. One of the cards bore these words: 'Much-respected Deputy and collar-sewer--or stealer.' Another: 'Hurrah for the Christian-Social work among the women- assemblages! Hurrah for the soda-squirter!' Comment by Dr. Lueger: 'I cannot venture to read the rest of that one, nor the signature, either.' Another: 'Would you mind telling me if....' Comment by Dr. Lueger: 'The rest of it is not properly readable.' To Deputy Gregorig's wife: 'Much-respected Madam Gregorig,--The undersigned desires an invitation to the next soda-squirt.' Comment by Dr. Lueger: 'Neither the rest of the card nor the signature can I venture to read to the House, so vulgar are they.' The purpose of this card--to expose Gregorig to his family--was repeated in others of these anonymous missives. The House, by vote, censured the two improper deputies. This may have had a modifying effect upon the phraseology of the membership for a while, and upon its general exuberance also, but it was not for long. As has been seen, it had become lively once more on the night of the Long Sitting. At the next sitting after the long one there was certainly no lack of liveliness. The President was persistently ignoring the Rules of the House in the interest of the government side, and the Minority were in an unappeasable fury about it. The ceaseless din and uproar, the shouting and stamping and desk-banging, were deafening, but through it all burst voices now and then that made themselves heard. Some of the remarks were of a very candid sort, and I believe that if they had been uttered in our House of Representatives they would have attracted attention. I will insert some samples here. Not in their order, but selected on their merits: Mr. Mayreder (to the President). 'You have lied! You conceded the floor to me; make it good, or you have lied!' Mr. Glockner (to the President). 'Leave! Get out!' Wolf (indicating the President). 'There sits a man to whom a certain title belongs!' Unto Wolf, who is continuously reading, in a powerful voice, from a newspaper, arrive these personal remarks from the Majority: 'Oh, shut your mouth!' 'Put him out!' 'Out with him!' Wolf stops reading a moment to shout at Dr. Lueger, who has the floor but cannot get a hearing, 'Please, Betrayer of the People, begin!' Dr. Lueger, 'Meine Herren--' ['Oho!' and groans.] Wolf. 'That's the holy light of the Christian Socialists!' Mr. Kletzenbauer (Christian Socialist). 'Dam--nation! Are you ever going to quiet down?' Wolf discharges a galling remark at Mr. Wohlmeyer. Wohlmeyer (responding). 'You Jew, you!' There is a moment's lull, and Dr. Lueger begins his speech. Graceful, handsome man, with winning manners and attractive bearing, a bright and easy speaker, and is said to know how to trim his political sails to catch any favouring wind that blows. He manages to say a few words, then the tempest overwhelms him again. Wolf stops reading his paper a moment to say a drastic thing about Lueger and his Christian-Social pieties, which sets the C.S.S. in a sort of frenzy. Mr. Vielohlawek. 'You leave the Christian Socialists alone, you word-of- honour-breaker! Obstruct all you want to, but you leave them alone! You've no business in this House; you belong in a gin-mill!' Mr. Prochazka. 'In a lunatic-asylum, you mean!' Vielohlawek. 'It's a pity that such man should be leader of the Germans; he disgraces the German name!' Dr. Scheicher. 'It's a shame that the like of him should insult us.' Strohbach (to Wolf). 'Contemptible cub--we will bounce thee out of this!' [It is inferable that the 'thee' is not intended to indicate affection this time, but to re-enforce and emphasise Mr. Storhbach's scorn.] Dr. Scheicher. 'His insults are of no consequence. He wants his ears boxed.' Dr. Lueger (to Wolf). 'You'd better worry a trifle over your Iro's word of honour. You are behaving like a street arab.' Dr. Scheicher. 'It is infamous!' Dr. Lueger. 'And these shameless creatures are the leaders of the German People's Party!' Meantime Wolf goes whooping along with his newspaper readings in great contentment. Dr. Pattai. 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You haven't the floor!' Strohbach. 'The miserable cub!' Dr. Lueger (to Wolf, raising his voice strenuously above the storm). 'You are a wholly honourless street brat!' [A voice, 'Fire the rapscallion out!' But Wolf's soul goes marching noisily on, just the same.] Schonerer (vast and muscular, and endowed with the most powerful voice in the Reichsrath; comes ploughing down through the standing crowds, red, and choking with anger; halts before Deputy Wohlmeyer, grabs a rule and smashes it with a blow upon a desk, threatens Wohlmeyer's face with his fist, and bellows out some personalities, and a promise). 'Only you wait--we'll teach you!' [A whirlwind of offensive retorts assails him from the band of meek and humble Christian Socialists compacted around their leader, that distinguished religious expert, Dr. Lueger, Burgermeister of Vienna. Our breath comes in excited gasps now, and we are full of hope. We imagine that we are back fifty years ago in the Arkansas Legislature, and we think we know what is going to happen, and are glad we came, and glad we are up in the gallery, out of the way, where we can see the whole thing and yet not have to supply any of the material for the inquest. However, as it turns out, our confidence is abused, our hopes are misplaced.] Dr. Pattai (wildly excited). 'You quiet down, or we shall turn ourselves loose! There will be cuffing of ears!' Prochazka (in a fury). 'No--not ear boxing, but genuine blows!' Vieholawek. 'I would rather take my hat off to a Jew than to Wolf!' Strohbach (to Wolf). 'Jew flunky! Here we have been fighting the Jews for ten years, and now you are helping them to power again. How much do you get for it?' Holansky. 'What he wants is a strait-jacket!' Wolf continues his reading. It is a market report now. Remark flung across the House to Schonerer: 'Die Grossmutter auf dem Misthaufen erzeugt worden!' It will be judicious not to translate that. Its flavour is pretty high, in any case, but it becomes particularly gamy when you remember that the first gallery was well stocked with ladies.
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