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MISTRESS PAGE
Go, Mistress Ford,
Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
Exit MISTRESS FORD
I'll to the doctor: he hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;
And he my husband best of all affects.
The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.
Exit
SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn
Enter Host and SIMPLE
Host
What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?
speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.
SIMPLE
Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
from Master Slender.
Host
There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his
standing-bed and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about
with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go
knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian
unto thee: knock, I say.
SIMPLE
There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his
chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
down; I come to speak with her, indeed.
Host
Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll
call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from
thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine
host, thine Ephesian, calls.
FALSTAFF
[Above] How now, mine host!
Host
Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of
thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her
descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?
fie!
Enter FALSTAFF
FALSTAFF
There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with
me; but she's gone.
SIMPLE
Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of
Brentford?
FALSTAFF
Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?
SIMPLE
My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing
her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether
one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the
chain or no.
FALSTAFF
I spake with the old woman about it.
SIMPLE
And what says she, I pray, sir?
FALSTAFF
Marry, she says that the very same man that
beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of
it.
SIMPLE
I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;
I had other things to have spoken with her too from
him.
FALSTAFF
What are they? let us know.
Host
Ay, come; quick.
SIMPLE
I may not conceal them, sir.
Host
Conceal them, or thou diest.
SIMPLE
Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne
Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to
have her or no.
FALSTAFF
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
SIMPLE
What, sir?
FALSTAFF
To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.
SIMPLE
May I be bold to say so, sir?
FALSTAFF
Ay, sir; like who more bold.
SIMPLE
I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad
with these tidings.
Exit
Host
Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
there a wise woman with thee?
FALSTAFF
Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught
me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;
and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for
my learning.
Enter BARDOLPH
BARDOLPH
Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!
Host
Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.
BARDOLPH
Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of
them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,
like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.
Host
They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
say they be fled; Germans are honest men.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS
SIR HUGH EVANS
Where is mine host?
Host
What is the matter, sir?
SIR HUGH EVANS
Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
friend of mine come to town tells me there is three
cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of
Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and
money. I tell you for good will, look you: you
are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and
'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.
Exit
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vere is mine host de Jarteer?
Host
Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.
DOCTOR CAIUS
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to
come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.
Exit
Host
Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!
Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH
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