|
PAGE
Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go
loose any longer; you must be pinioned.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!
SHALLOW
Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.
FORD
So say I too, sir.
Re-enter MISTRESS FORD
Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest
woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that
hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect
without cause, mistress, do I?
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in
any dishonesty.
FORD
Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!
Pulling clothes out of the basket
PAGE
This passes!
MISTRESS FORD
Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.
FORD
I shall find you anon.
SIR HUGH EVANS
'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's
clothes? Come away.
FORD
Empty the basket, I say!
MISTRESS FORD
Why, man, why?
FORD
Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed
out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may
not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is:
my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.
Pluck me out all the linen.
MISTRESS FORD
If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.
PAGE
Here's no man.
SHALLOW
By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this
wrongs you.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the
imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.
FORD
Well, he's not here I seek for.
PAGE
No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.
FORD
Help to search my house this one time. If I find
not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let
me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of
me, 'As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow
walnut for his wife's leman.' Satisfy me once more;
once more search with me.
MISTRESS FORD
What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman
down; my husband will come into the chamber.
FORD
Old woman! what old woman's that?
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford.
FORD
A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not
forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does
she? We are simple men; we do not know what's
brought to pass under the profession of
fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells,
by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond
our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch,
you hag, you; come down, I say!
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him
not strike the old woman.
Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.
FORD
I'll prat her.
Beating him
Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you
polecat, you runyon! out, out! I'll conjure you,
I'll fortune-tell you.
Exit FALSTAFF
MISTRESS PAGE
Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the
poor woman.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you.
FORD
Hang her, witch!
SIR HUGH EVANS
By the yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch
indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard;
I spy a great peard under his muffler.
FORD
Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow;
see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus
upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.
PAGE
Let's obey his humour a little further: come,
gentlemen.
Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS
MISTRESS PAGE
Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most
unpitifully, methought.
MISTRESS PAGE
I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the
altar; it hath done meritorious service.
MISTRESS FORD
What think you? may we, with the warrant of
womanhood and the witness of a good conscience,
pursue him with any further revenge?
MISTRESS PAGE
The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of
him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with
fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the
way of waste, attempt us again.
MISTRESS FORD
Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?
MISTRESS PAGE
Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the
figures out of your husband's brains. If they can
find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight
shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be
the ministers.
MISTRESS FORD
I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and
methinks there would be no period to the jest,
should he not be publicly shamed.
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would
not have things cool.
Exeunt
|
