SCENE I. PETRUCHIO'S country house
Enter GRUMIO
GRUMIO
Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was ever
man so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent
before to make a fire, and they are coming after to
warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon
hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my
tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my
belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: but
I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for,
considering the weather, a taller man than I will
take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.
Enter CURTIS
CURTIS
Who is that calls so coldly?
GRUMIO
A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run
but my head and my neck. A fire good Curtis.
CURTIS
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO
O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast
on no water.
CURTIS
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
GRUMIO
She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but, thou
knowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for it
hath tamed my old master and my new mistress and
myself, fellow Curtis.
CURTIS
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
GRUMIO
Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; and
so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a
fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,
whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon
feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
CURTIS
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
GRUMIO
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and
therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for
my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
CURTIS
There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.
GRUMIO
Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news as
will thaw.
CURTIS
Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
GRUMIO
Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house
trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the
serving-men in their new fustian, their white
stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?
Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without,
the carpets laid, and every thing in order?
CURTIS
All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
GRUMIO
First, know, my horse is tired; my master and
mistress fallen out.
CURTIS
How?
GRUMIO
Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby
hangs a tale.
CURTIS
Let's ha't, good Grumio.
GRUMIO
Lend thine ear.
CURTIS
Here.
GRUMIO
There.
Strikes him
CURTIS
This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO
And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and this
cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech
listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a
foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,--
CURTIS
Both of one horse?
GRUMIO
What's that to thee?
CURTIS
Why, a horse.
GRUMIO
Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me,
thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she
under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how
miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her
with the horse upon her, how he beat me because
her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt
to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed,
that never prayed before, how I cried, how the
horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I
lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory,
which now shall die in oblivion and thou return
unexperienced to thy grave.
CURTIS
By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
GRUMIO
Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
find when he comes home. But what talk I of this?
Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,
Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be
sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their
garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy
with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair
of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their
hands. Are they all ready?
CURTIS
They are.
GRUMIO
Call them forth.
CURTIS
Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to
countenance my mistress.
GRUMIO
Why, she hath a face of her own.
CURTIS
Who knows not that?
GRUMIO
Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
countenance her.
CURTIS
I call them forth to credit her.
GRUMIO
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Enter four or five Serving-men
NATHANIEL
Welcome home, Grumio!
PHILIP
How now, Grumio!
JOSEPH
What, Grumio!
NICHOLAS
Fellow Grumio!
NATHANIEL
How now, old lad?
GRUMIO
Welcome, you;--how now, you;-- what, you;--fellow,
you;--and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce
companions, is all ready, and all things neat?
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