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ANTONIO
Come, 'tis no matter:
Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.
DON PEDRO
Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:
But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing
But what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO
My lord, my lord,--
DON PEDRO
I will not hear you.
LEONATO
No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.
ANTONIO
And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO
DON PEDRO
See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
Enter BENEDICK
CLAUDIO
Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO
Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
We had like to have had our two noses snapped off
with two old men without teeth.
DON PEDRO
Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had
we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.
BENEDICK
In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are
high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten
away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK
It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO
Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO
Never any did so, though very many have been beside
their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the
minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO
As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat,
thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.
BENEDICK
Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.
CLAUDIO
Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
broke cross.
DON PEDRO
By this light, he changes more and more: I think
he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK
Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO
God bless me from a challenge!
BENEDICK
[Aside to CLAUDIO] You are a villain; I jest not:
I will make it good how you dare, with what you
dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will
protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet
lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me
hear from you.
CLAUDIO
Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.
DON PEDRO
What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most
curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find
a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO
I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the
other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,'
said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a
great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.'
'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it
hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman
is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.'
'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I
believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on
Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning;
there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus
did she, an hour together, trans-shape thy particular
virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou
wast the properest man in Italy.
CLAUDIO
For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
not.
DON PEDRO
Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
the old man's daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO
All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
married man'?
BENEDICK
Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
then, peace be with him.
Exit
DON PEDRO
He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for
the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
And hath challenged thee.
CLAUDIO
Most sincerely.
DON PEDRO
What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his
doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO
He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a
doctor to such a man.
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