Much Ado About Nothing: Act 3

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DON JOHN
[To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married to-morrow?

DON PEDRO
You know he does.

DON JOHN
I know not that, when he knows what I know.

CLAUDIO
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.

DON JOHN
You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO
Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN
I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened, for she has been too long a talking of, the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO
Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO
Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO
Disloyal?

DON JOHN
The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind.

CLAUDIO
May this be so?

DON PEDRO
I will not think it.

DON JOHN
If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO
If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO
And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN
I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO
O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO
O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN
O plague right well prevented! so will you say when you have seen the sequel.

Exeunt

SCENE III. A street

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true?

VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul.

DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the prince's watch.

VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.

DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desertless man to be constable?

First Watchman
Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can write and read.

DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

Second Watchman
Both which, master constable,--

DOGBERRY
You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

Second Watchman
How if a' will not stand?

DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of a knave.

VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the prince's subjects.

DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but the prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.

Watchman
We will rather sleep than talk: we know what belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only, have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

Watchman
How if they will not?

DOGBERRY
Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.

Watchman
Well, sir.

DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty.

 

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