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DUKE VINCENTIO
How should he be made, then?
LUCIO
Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he
was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is
certain that when he makes water his urine is
congealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a
motion generative; that's infallible.
DUKE VINCENTIO
You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.
LUCIO
Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the
rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a
man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?
Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a
hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing
a thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he
knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.
DUKE VINCENTIO
I never heard the absent duke much detected for
women; he was not inclined that way.
LUCIO
O, sir, you are deceived.
DUKE VINCENTIO
'Tis not possible.
LUCIO
Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty; and
his use was to put a ducat in her clack-dish: the
duke had crotchets in him. He would be drunk too;
that let me inform you.
DUKE VINCENTIO
You do him wrong, surely.
LUCIO
Sir, I was an inward of his. A shy fellow was the
duke: and I believe I know the cause of his
withdrawing.
DUKE VINCENTIO
What, I prithee, might be the cause?
LUCIO
No, pardon; 'tis a secret must be locked within the
teeth and the lips: but this I can let you
understand, the greater file of the subject held the
duke to be wise.
DUKE VINCENTIO
Wise! why, no question but he was.
LUCIO
A very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow.
DUKE VINCENTIO
Either this is the envy in you, folly, or mistaking:
the very stream of his life and the business he hath
helmed must upon a warranted need give him a better
proclamation. Let him be but testimonied in his own
bringings-forth, and he shall appear to the
envious a scholar, a statesman and a soldier.
Therefore you speak unskilfully: or if your
knowledge be more it is much darkened in your malice.
LUCIO
Sir, I know him, and I love him.
DUKE VINCENTIO
Love talks with better knowledge, and knowledge with
dearer love.
LUCIO
Come, sir, I know what I know.
DUKE VINCENTIO
I can hardly believe that, since you know not what
you speak. But, if ever the duke return, as our
prayers are he may, let me desire you to make your
answer before him. If it be honest you have spoke,
you have courage to maintain it: I am bound to call
upon you; and, I pray you, your name?
LUCIO
Sir, my name is Lucio; well known to the duke.
DUKE VINCENTIO
He shall know you better, sir, if I may live to
report you.
LUCIO
I fear you not.
DUKE VINCENTIO
O, you hope the duke will return no more; or you
imagine me too unhurtful an opposite. But indeed I
can do you little harm; you'll forswear this again.
LUCIO
I'll be hanged first: thou art deceived in me,
friar. But no more of this. Canst thou tell if
Claudio die to-morrow or no?
DUKE VINCENTIO
Why should he die, sir?
LUCIO
Why? For filling a bottle with a tun-dish. I would
the duke we talk of were returned again: the
ungenitured agent will unpeople the province with
continency; sparrows must not build in his
house-eaves, because they are lecherous. The duke
yet would have dark deeds darkly answered; he would
never bring them to light: would he were returned!
Marry, this Claudio is condemned for untrussing.
Farewell, good friar: I prithee, pray for me. The
duke, I say to thee again, would eat mutton on
Fridays. He's not past it yet, and I say to thee,
he would mouth with a beggar, though she smelt brown
bread and garlic: say that I said so. Farewell.
Exit
DUKE VINCENTIO
No might nor greatness in mortality
Can censure 'scape; back-wounding calumny
The whitest virtue strikes. What king so strong
Can tie the gall up in the slanderous tongue?
But who comes here?
Enter ESCALUS, Provost, and Officers with MISTRESS OVERDONE
ESCALUS
Go; away with her to prison!
MISTRESS OVERDONE
Good my lord, be good to me; your honour is accounted
a merciful man; good my lord.
ESCALUS
Double and treble admonition, and still forfeit in
the same kind! This would make mercy swear and play
the tyrant.
Provost
A bawd of eleven years' continuance, may it please
your honour.
MISTRESS OVERDONE
My lord, this is one Lucio's information against me.
Mistress Kate Keepdown was with child by him in the
duke's time; he promised her marriage: his child
is a year and a quarter old, come Philip and Jacob:
I have kept it myself; and see how he goes about to abuse me!
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