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ELBOW
Come your way, sir. 'Bless you, good father friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
And you, good brother father. What offence hath
this man made you, sir?
ELBOW
Marry, sir, he hath offended the law: and, sir, we
take him to be a thief too, sir; for we have found
upon him, sir, a strange picklock, which we have
sent to the deputy.
DUKE VINCENTIO
Fie, sirrah! a bawd, a wicked bawd!
The evil that thou causest to be done,
That is thy means to live. Do thou but think
What 'tis to cram a maw or clothe a back
From such a filthy vice: say to thyself,
From their abominable and beastly touches
I drink, I eat, array myself, and live.
Canst thou believe thy living is a life,
So stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend.
POMPEY
Indeed, it does stink in some sort, sir; but yet,
sir, I would prove--
DUKE VINCENTIO
Nay, if the devil have given thee proofs for sin,
Thou wilt prove his. Take him to prison, officer:
Correction and instruction must both work
Ere this rude beast will profit.
ELBOW
He must before the deputy, sir; he has given him
warning: the deputy cannot abide a whoremaster: if
he be a whoremonger, and comes before him, he were
as good go a mile on his errand.
DUKE VINCENTIO
That we were all, as some would seem to be,
From our faults, as faults from seeming, free!
ELBOW
His neck will come to your waist,--a cord, sir.
POMPEY
I spy comfort; I cry bail. Here's a gentleman and a
friend of mine.
Enter LUCIO
LUCIO
How now, noble Pompey! What, at the wheels of
Caesar? art thou led in triumph? What, is there
none of Pygmalion's images, newly made woman, to be
had now, for putting the hand in the pocket and
extracting it clutch'd? What reply, ha? What
sayest thou to this tune, matter and method? Is't
not drowned i' the last rain, ha? What sayest
thou, Trot? Is the world as it was, man? Which is
the way? Is it sad, and few words? or how? The
trick of it?
DUKE VINCENTIO
Still thus, and thus; still worse!
LUCIO
How doth my dear morsel, thy mistress? Procures she
still, ha?
POMPEY
Troth, sir, she hath eaten up all her beef, and she
is herself in the tub.
LUCIO
Why, 'tis good; it is the right of it; it must be
so: ever your fresh whore and your powdered bawd:
an unshunned consequence; it must be so. Art going
to prison, Pompey?
POMPEY
Yes, faith, sir.
LUCIO
Why, 'tis not amiss, Pompey. Farewell: go, say I
sent thee thither. For debt, Pompey? or how?
ELBOW
For being a bawd, for being a bawd.
LUCIO
Well, then, imprison him: if imprisonment be the
due of a bawd, why, 'tis his right: bawd is he
doubtless, and of antiquity too; bawd-born.
Farewell, good Pompey. Commend me to the prison,
Pompey: you will turn good husband now, Pompey; you
will keep the house.
POMPEY
I hope, sir, your good worship will be my bail.
LUCIO
No, indeed, will I not, Pompey; it is not the wear.
I will pray, Pompey, to increase your bondage: If
you take it not patiently, why, your mettle is the
more. Adieu, trusty Pompey. 'Bless you, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
And you.
LUCIO
Does Bridget paint still, Pompey, ha?
ELBOW
Come your ways, sir; come.
POMPEY
You will not bail me, then, sir?
LUCIO
Then, Pompey, nor now. What news abroad, friar?
what news?
ELBOW
Come your ways, sir; come.
LUCIO
Go to kennel, Pompey; go.
Exeunt ELBOW, POMPEY and Officers
What news, friar, of the duke?
DUKE VINCENTIO
I know none. Can you tell me of any?
LUCIO
Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; other
some, he is in Rome: but where is he, think you?
DUKE VINCENTIO
I know not where; but wheresoever, I wish him well.
LUCIO
It was a mad fantastical trick of him to steal from
the state, and usurp the beggary he was never born
to. Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence; he
puts transgression to't.
DUKE VINCENTIO
He does well in't.
LUCIO
A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in
him: something too crabbed that way, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.
LUCIO
Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred;
it is well allied: but it is impossible to extirp
it quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put
down. They say this Angelo was not made by man and
woman after this downright way of creation: is it
true, think you?
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