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COSTARD
'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect: I
made a little fault in 'Great.'
BIRON
My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for Alexander
SIR NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived, I was the world's
commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--
BOYET
Your nose says, no, you are not for it stands too right.
BIRON
Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.
PRINCESS
The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.
SIR NATHANIEL
When in the world I lived, I was the world's
commander,--
BOYET
Most true, 'tis right; you were so, Alisander.
BIRON
Pompey the Great,--
COSTARD
Your servant, and Costard.
BIRON
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
COSTARD
[To SIR NATHANIEL] O, sir, you have overthrown
Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of
the painted cloth for this: your lion, that holds
his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given
to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror,
and afeard to speak! run away for shame, Alisander.
SIR NATHANIEL retires
There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an
honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a
marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good
bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how
'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies
a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.
Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for Hercules
HOLOFERNES
Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology.
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.
MOTH retires
Judas I am,--
DUMAIN
A Judas!
HOLOFERNES
Not Iscariot, sir.
Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.
DUMAIN
Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
BIRON
A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?
HOLOFERNES
Judas I am,--
DUMAIN
The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES
What mean you, sir?
BOYET
To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES
Begin, sir; you are my elder.
BIRON
Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.
HOLOFERNES
I will not be put out of countenance.
BIRON
Because thou hast no face.
HOLOFERNES
What is this?
BOYET
A cittern-head.
DUMAIN
The head of a bodkin.
BIRON
A Death's face in a ring.
LONGAVILLE
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.
BOYET
The pommel of Caesar's falchion.
DUMAIN
The carved-bone face on a flask.
BIRON
Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch.
DUMAIN
Ay, and in a brooch of lead.
BIRON
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance.
HOLOFERNES
You have put me out of countenance.
BIRON
False; we have given thee faces.
HOLOFERNES
But you have out-faced them all.
BIRON
An thou wert a lion, we would do so.
BOYET
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?
DUMAIN
For the latter end of his name.
BIRON
For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away!
HOLOFERNES
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
BOYET
A light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.
HOLOFERNES retires
PRINCESS
Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
Enter ARMADO, for Hector
BIRON
Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.
DUMAIN
Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.
FERDINAND
Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
BOYET
But is this Hector?
FERDINAND
I think Hector was not so clean-timbered.
LONGAVILLE
His leg is too big for Hector's.
DUMAIN
More calf, certain.
BOYET
No; he is best endued in the small.
BIRON
This cannot be Hector.
DUMAIN
He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.
ARMADO
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift,--
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