SCENE I. The same
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL
HOLOFERNES
Satis quod sufficit.
SIR NATHANIEL
I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner
have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without
scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without
impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-
out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with
a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
HOLOFERNES
Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
SIR NATHANIEL
A most singular and choice epithet.
Draws out his table-book
HOLOFERNES
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer
than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
point-devise companions; such rackers of
orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d,
e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf;
half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he
would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.
SIR NATHANIEL
Laus Deo, bene intelligo.
HOLOFERNES
Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
'twill serve.
SIR NATHANIEL
Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES
Video, et gaudeo.
Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD
ARMADO
Chirrah!
To MOTH
HOLOFERNES
Quare chirrah, not sirrah?
ARMADO
Men of peace, well encountered.
HOLOFERNES
Most military sir, salutation.
MOTH
[Aside to COSTARD] They have been at a great feast
of languages, and stolen the scraps.
COSTARD
O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words.
I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word;
for thou art not so long by the head as
honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
swallowed than a flap-dragon.
MOTH
Peace! the peal begins.
ARMADO
[To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lettered?
MOTH
Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a,
b, spelt backward, with the horn on his head?
HOLOFERNES
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
MOTH
Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.
HOLOFERNES
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
MOTH
The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
the fifth, if I.
HOLOFERNES
I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--
MOTH
The sheep: the other two concludes it,--o, u.
ARMADO
Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet
touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!
MOTH
Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
HOLOFERNES
What is the figure? what is the figure?
MOTH
Horns.
HOLOFERNES
Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.
MOTH
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about
your infamy circum circa,--a gig of a cuckold's horn.
COSTARD
An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst
have it to buy gingerbread: hold, there is the very
remuneration I had of thy master, thou halfpenny
purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of discretion. O, an
the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but my
bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me!
Go to; thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers'
ends, as they say.
HOLOFERNES
O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.
ARMADO
Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
charge-house on the top of the mountain?
HOLOFERNES
Or mons, the hill.
ARMADO
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES
I do, sans question.
ARMADO
Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the princess at her
pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
rude multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES
The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do
assure you, sir, I do assure.
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