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SPEED
'Item: She brews good ale.'
LAUNCE
And thereof comes the proverb: 'Blessing of your
heart, you brew good ale.'
SPEED
'Item: She can sew.'
LAUNCE
That's as much as to say, Can she so?
SPEED
'Item: She can knit.'
LAUNCE
What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when
she can knit him a stock?
SPEED
'Item: She can wash and scour.'
LAUNCE
A special virtue: for then she need not be washed
and scoured.
SPEED
'Item: She can spin.'
LAUNCE
Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can
spin for her living.
SPEED
'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.'
LAUNCE
That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that,
indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names.
SPEED
'Here follow her vices.'
LAUNCE
Close at the heels of her virtues.
SPEED
'Item: She is not to be kissed fasting in respect
of her breath.'
LAUNCE
Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on.
SPEED
'Item: She hath a sweet mouth.'
LAUNCE
That makes amends for her sour breath.
SPEED
'Item: She doth talk in her sleep.'
LAUNCE
It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.
SPEED
'Item: She is slow in words.'
LAUNCE
O villain, that set this down among her vices! To
be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray
thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.
SPEED
'Item: She is proud.'
LAUNCE
Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot
be ta'en from her.
SPEED
'Item: She hath no teeth.'
LAUNCE
I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
SPEED
'Item: She is curst.'
LAUNCE
Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
SPEED
'Item: She will often praise her liquor.'
LAUNCE
If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I
will; for good things should be praised.
SPEED
'Item: She is too liberal.'
LAUNCE
Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she
is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that
I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and
that cannot I help. Well, proceed.
SPEED
'Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults
than hairs, and more wealth than faults.'
LAUNCE
Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not
mine, twice or thrice in that last article.
Rehearse that once more.
SPEED
'Item: She hath more hair than wit,'--
LAUNCE
More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The
cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it
is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit
is more than the wit, for the greater hides the
less. What's next?
SPEED
'And more faults than hairs,'--
LAUNCE
That's monstrous: O, that that were out!
SPEED
'And more wealth than faults.'
LAUNCE
Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well,
I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is
impossible,--
SPEED
What then?
LAUNCE
Why, then will I tell thee--that thy master stays
for thee at the North-gate.
SPEED
For me?
LAUNCE
For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a
better man than thee.
SPEED
And must I go to him?
LAUNCE
Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long
that going will scarce serve the turn.
SPEED
Why didst not tell me sooner? pox of your love letters!
Exit
LAUNCE
Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an
unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into
secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.
Exit
SCENE II. The same. The DUKE's
palace
Enter DUKE and THURIO
DUKE
Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you,
Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.
THURIO
Since his exile she hath despised me most,
Forsworn my company and rail'd at me,
That I am desperate of obtaining her.
DUKE
This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice, which with an hour's heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.
Enter PROTEUS
How now, Sir Proteus! Is your countryman
According to our proclamation gone?
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