XX. Humorous Writings

(The World may be divided into two Hemispheres at any Point.)

All men will suddenly be transferred into opposite hemispheres.

(The division of the East from the West may be made at any point.)

All living creatures will be moved from the East to the West; and in the same way from North to South, and vice versa.

(Of the Motion of Water which carries wood, which is dead.)

Bodies devoid of life will move by themselves and carry with them endless generations of the dead, taking the wealth from the bystanders.

(Of Eggs which being eaten cannot form Chickens.)

Oh! how many will they be that never come to the birth!

(Of Fishes which are eaten unborn.)

Endless generations will be lost by the death of the pregnant.

(Of the Lamentation on Good Friday.)

Throughout Europe there will be a lamentation of great nations over the death of one man who died in the East.

(Of Dreaming.)

Men will walk and not stir, they will talk to those who are not present, and hear those who do not speak.

(Of a Man's Shadow which moves with him.)

Shapes and figures of men and animals will be seen following these animals and men wherever they flee. And exactly as the one moves the other moves; but what seems so wonderful is the variety of height they assume.

(Of our Shadow cast by the Sun, and our Reflection in the Water at one and the same time.)

Many a time will one man be seen as three and all three move together, and often the most real one quits him.

(Of wooden Chests which contain great Treasures.)

Within walnuts and trees and other plants vast treasures will be found, which lie hidden there and well guarded.

(Of putting out the Light when going to Bed.)

Many persons puffing out a breath with too much haste, will thereby lose their sight, and soon after all consciousness.

(Of the Bells of Mules, which are close to their Ears.)

In many parts of Europe instruments of various sizes will be heard making divers harmonies, with great labour to those who hear them most closely.

(Of Asses.)

The severest labour will be repaid with hunger and thirst, and discomfort, and blows, and goadings, and curses, and great abuse.

(Of Soldiers on horseback.)

Many men will be seen carried by large animals, swift of pace, to the loss of their lives and immediate death.

In the air and on earth animals will be seen of divers colours furiously carrying men to the destruction of their lives.

(Of the Stars of Spurs.)

By the aid of the stars men will be seen who will be as swift as any swift animal.

(Of a Stick, which is dead.)

The motions of a dead thing will make many living ones flee with pain and lamentation and cries.

(Of Tinder.)

With a stone and with iron things will be made visible which before were not seen.

1296.

(Of going in Ships.)

We shall see the trees of the great forests of Taurus and of Sinai and of the Appenines and others, rush by means of the air, from East to West and from North to South; and carry, by means of the air, great multitudes of men. Oh! how many vows! Oh! how many deaths! Oh! how many partings of friends and relations! Oh! how many will those be who will never again see their own country nor their native land, and who will die unburied, with their bones strewn in various parts of the world!

(Of moving on All Saints' Day.)

Many will forsake their own dwellings and carry with them all their belongings and will go to live in other parts.

(Of All Souls' Day.)

How many will they be who will bewail their deceased forefathers, carrying lights to them.

(Of Friars, who spending nothing but words, receive great gifts and bestow Paradise.)

Invisible money will procure the triumph of many who will spend it.

(Of Bows made of the Horns of Oxen.)

Many will there be who will die a painful death by means of the horns of cattle.

(Of writing Letters from one Country to another.)

Men will speak with each other from the most remote countries, and reply.

(Of Hemispheres, which are infinite; and which are divided by an infinite number of Lines, so that every Man always has one of these Lines between his Feet.)

Men standing in opposite hemispheres will converse and deride each other and embrace each other, and understand each other's language.

(Of Priests who say Mass.)

There will be many men who, when they go to their labour will put on the richest clothes, and these will be made after the fashion of aprons [petticoats].

(Of Friars who are Confessors.)

And unhappy women will, of their own free will, reveal to men all their sins and shameful and most secret deeds.

(Of Churches and the Habitations of Friars.)

Many will there be who will give up work and labour and poverty of life and goods, and will go to live among wealth in splendid buildings, declaring that this is the way to make themselves acceptable to God.

(Of Selling Paradise.)

An infinite number of men will sell publicly and unhindered things of the very highest price, without leave from the Master of it; while it never was theirs nor in their power; and human justice will not prevent it.

(Of the Dead which are carried to be buried.)

The simple folks will carry vast quantities of lights to light up the road for those who have entirely lost the power of sight.

(Of Dowries for Maidens.)

And whereas, at first, maidens could not be protected against the violence of Men, neither by the watchfulness of parents nor by strong walls, the time will come when the fathers and parents of those girls will pay a large price to a man who wants to marry them, even if they are rich, noble and most handsome. Certainly this seems as though nature wished to eradicate the human race as being useless to the world, and as spoiling all created things.

(Of the Cruelty of Man.)

Animals will be seen on the earth who will always be fighting against each other with the greatest loss and frequent deaths on each side. And there will be no end to their malignity; by their strong limbs we shall see a great portion of the trees of the vast forests laid low throughout the universe; and, when they are filled with food the satisfaction of their desires will be to deal death and grief and labour and wars and fury to every living thing; and from their immoderate pride they will desire to rise towards heaven, but the too great weight of their limbs will keep them down. Nothing will remain on earth, or under the earth or in the waters which will not be persecuted, disturbed and spoiled, and those of one country removed into another. And their bodies will become the sepulture and means of transit of all they have killed.

O Earth! why dost thou not open and engulf them in the fissures of thy vast abyss and caverns, and no longer display in the sight of heaven such a cruel and horrible monster.

1297.

PROPHECIES.

There will be many which will increase in their destruction.

(The Ball of Snow rolling over Snow.)

There will be many who, forgetting their existence and their name, will lie as dead on the spoils of other dead creatures.

(Sleeping on the Feathers of Birds.)

The East will be seen to rush to the West and the South to the North in confusion round and about the universe, with great noise and trembling or fury.

(In the East wind which rushes to the West.)

The solar rays will kindle fire on the earth, by which a thing that is under the sky will be set on fire, and, being reflected by some obstacle, it will bend downwards.

(The Concave Mirror kindles a Fire, with which we heat the oven, and this has its foundation beneath its roof.)

A great part of the sea will fly towards heaven and for a long time will not return. (That is, in Clouds.)

There remains the motion which divides the mover from the thing moved.

Those who give light for divine service will be destroyed.(The Bees which make the Wax for Candles)

Dead things will come from underground and by their fierce movements will send numberless human beings out of the world. (Iron, which comes from under ground is dead but the Weapons are made of it which kill so many Men.)

The greatest mountains, even those which are remote from the sea shore, will drive the sea from its place.

(This is by Rivers which carry the Earth they wash away from the Mountains and bear it to the Sea-shore; and where the Earth comes the sea must retire.)

The water dropped from the clouds still in motion on the flanks of mountains will lie still for a long period of time without any motion whatever; and this will happen in many and divers lands.

Contents