PISTHETAERUS
First I advise that the birds gather together in one city and that
they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round the
plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
from heaven.
EPOPS
Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion![1] what a terribly strong place!
f[1] As if he were saying, "Oh, gods!" Like Lampon, he swears by the birds,
instead of swearing by the gods. --The names of these birds are those of two
of the Titans.
PISTHETAERUS
Th[en], this being well done and completed, you demand
back the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and
does not at once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war
against him and forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your
country with lust, as hitherto, for the purpose of fondling
their Alcmenas, their Alopes, or their Semeles![1] if they try to pass
through, you infibulate them with rings so that they can work no
longer. You send another messenger to mankind, who will proclaim to
them that the birds are kings, that for the future they must first
of all sacrifice to them, and only afterwards to the gods; that it
is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it. For instance, are they sacrificing to Aphrodite, let them
at the same time offer barley to the coot; are they immolating a sheep
to Posidon, let them consecrate wheat in honour of the duck;[2] is a
steer being offered to Heracles, let honey-cakes be dedicated to
the gull;[3] is a goat being slain for King Zeus, there is a
King-Bird, the wren,[4] to whom the sacrifice of a male gnat is due
before Zeus himself even.
f[1] Alcmena, wife of Amphitryon, King of Thebes and mother
of Heracles. --Semele, the daughter of Cadmus and Hermione and mother
of Bacchus; both seduced by Zeus. --Alope, daughter of Cercyon,
a robber, who reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus. Alope
was honoured with Posidon's caresses; by him she had a son named
Hippothous, at first brought up by shepherds but who afterwards
was restored to the throne of his grandfather by Theseus.
f[2] Because water is the duck's domain, as it is that of Posidon.
f[3] Because the gull, like Heracles, is voracious.
f[4] The Germans still call it 'Zaunkonig' and the French 'roitelet,'
both names thus containing the idea of 'king.'
EUELPIDES
This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the great
Zeus thunder!
EPOPS
But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays? Us, who
have wings and fly?
PISTHETAERUS
You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies, and
so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden
wings, Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer
to a timorous dove.[1] If men in their blindness do not recognize you
as gods and continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus, then a cloud
of sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up
all their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out
any wheat.
f[1] The scholiast draws our attention to the fact that Homer says this
of Here and not of Iris (Iliad, V, 778); it is only another proof that
the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form, or it may be that
Aristophanes was liable, like other people, to occasional mistakes of
quotation.
EUELPIDES
By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see
her inventing a thousand excuses.
PISTHETAERUS
The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking out
the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then let
Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for
the purpose.[1]
f[1] In sacrifices.
EUELPIDES
Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young bullocks.
PISTHETAERUS
If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the principle
of life, that you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be loaded
with benefits.
EPOPS
Name me one of these then.
PISTHETAERUS
Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms; a legion
of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats
and the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock
of thrushes shall swallow the whole host down to the very last.
EPOPS
And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is their strongest
passion.
PISTHETAERUS
When they consult the omens, you will point them to the richest
mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and not
another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.
EPOPS
No more shall perish? How is that?
PISTHETAERUS
When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage, some
bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm,"
or else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture."
EUELPIDES
I shall buy a trading-vessel and go to sea, I will not stay with
you.
PISTHETAERUS
You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in former
times, for you know them. Do not all men say, "None knows where my
treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."[1]
f[1] An Athenian proverb.
EUELPIDES
I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels.
EPOPS
And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods?
PISTHETAERUS
If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards health?
The miserable man is never well.
EPOPS
Old Age also dwells in Olympus. How will they get at it? Must they
die in early youth?
PISTHETAERUS
Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to their life.
EPOPS
From whom will they take them?
PISTHETAERUS
From whom? Why, from themselves. Don't you know the cawing crow
lives five times as long as a man?
EUELPIDES
Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus!
PISTHETAERUS
Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall not have to build
them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will
dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most
venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the
olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice;[1] but
standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding
forth our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them
to admit us to a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once
obtain them for a few grains of wheat.
f[1] A celebrated temple to Zeus in an oasis of Libya.
CHORUS
Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all;
never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice.
Inspirited by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I
swear that if you march in alliance with me against the gods and are
faithful to our just, loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have
shattered their sceptre. 'Tis our part to undertake the toil,
'tis yours to advise.
EPOPS
By Zeus! 'tis no longer the time to delay and loiter like
Nicias;[1] let us act as promptly as possible.... In the first place,
come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell
me your names.
f[1] Nicias was commander, along with Demosthenes, and later on
Alcibiades, of the Athenian forces before Syracuse, in the ill-fated
Sicilian Expedition, 415-413 B.C. He was much blamed for dilatoriness
and indecision.
PISTHETAERUS
That is soon done; my name is Pisthetaerus.
EPOPS
And his?
PISTHETAERUS
Euelpides, of the deme of Thria.
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