PISTHETAERUS
Wait, take this stool as well.
CHORUS
Near by the land of the Sciapodes[1] there is a marsh, from the
borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men.
Pisander[2] came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when
still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel,[3] slit his throat
and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.[4]
Then that bat of a Chaerephon[5] came up from hell to drink the camel's
blood.
f[1] According to Ctesias, the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt
on the borders of the Atlantic. Their feet were larger than the rest
of their bodies, and to shield themselves from the sun's rays they
held up one of their feet as an umbrella. --By giving the Socratic
philosophers the name of Sciapodes here Aristophanes wishes to convey
that they are walking in the dark and busying themselves with
the greatest nonsense.
f[2] This Pisander was a notorious coward; for this reason the poet
jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul, the seat of courage.
f[3] Considering the shape and height of the camel, [it] can certainly
not be included in the list of SMALL victims, e.g. the sheep and
the goat.
f[4] In the evocation of the dead, Book XI of the Odyssey.
f[5] Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier
in this comedy. --Aristophanes supposes him to have come from hell
because he is lean and pallid.
POSIDON[1]
This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town, whither we come
as ambassadors. (TO TRIBALLUS) Hi! what are you up to? you are
throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick over
the right! And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion? Have you
ulcers to hide like Laespodias?[2] Oh! democracy![3] whither, oh!
whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen
such an envoy?
f[1] Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and
a Triballian god.
f[2] An Athenian general. --Neptune is trying to give Triballus some
notions of elegance and good behaviour.
f[3] Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus
as it is in Athens.
TRIBALLUS
Leave me alone.
POSIDON
Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all
the gods. --Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do?
HERACLES
I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who has
dared to block us in.
POSIDON
But, my friend, we are envoys of peace.
HERACLES
All the more reason why I wish to strangle him.
PISTHETAERUS
Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass
me the cheese and watch the coals.[1]
f[1] He is addressing his servant, Manes.
HERACLES
Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.
PISTHETAERUS
Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.
HERACLES
What are these meats?[1]
f[1] Heracles softens at sight of the food. --Heracles is the glutton
of the comic poets.
PISTHETAERUS
These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking
the people's friends.
HERACLES
And you are seasoning them before answering us?
PISTHETAERUS
Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?[1]
f[1] He pretends not to have seen them at first, being so much engaged
with his cookery.
HERACLES
The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace.
A SERVANT
There's no more oil in the flask.
PISTHETAERUS
And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.[1]
f[1] He pretends to forget the presence of the ambassadors.
HERACLES
We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be
friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your
pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we
are armed with plenary authority.
PISTHETAERUS
We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well
disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one
equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds.
If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner.
HERACLES
That's good enough for me. I vote for peace.
POSIDON
You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you
want to dethrone your own father?
PISTHETAERUS
What an error! Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the
birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath
the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your
name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after
having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath,
the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.
POSIDON
Well thought of, by Posidon![1]
f[1] Posidon jestingly swears by himself.
HERACLES
My notion too.
PISTHETAERUS (TO THE TRIBALLIAN)
And you, what's your opinion?
TRIBALLUS
Nabaisatreu.[1]
f[1] The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus
interprets into consent.
PISTHETAERUS
D'you see? he also approves. But hear another thing in which we can
serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god, and then
procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does not
keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess.
POSIDON
Ah! ah! and how?
PISTHETAERUS
While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will
relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of
the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god.
HERACLES
I vote for restoring them the sceptre.
POSIDON
Ask the Triballian.
HERACLES
Hi Triballian, do you want a thrashing?
TRIBALLUS
Saunaka baktarikrousa.
HERACLES
He says, "Right willingly."
POSIDON
If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too.
HERACLES
Very well! we accord the sceptre.
PISTHETAERUS
Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave Here
to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.
POSIDON
Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw.
PISTHETAERUS
It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy.
HERACLES
What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to? Are we
going to war about a woman?
POSIDON
What else is there to do?
HERACLES
What else? Why, conclude peace.
POSIDON
Oh! you ninny! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are seeking
your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded
them the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all
the wealth he will leave behind.
PISTHETAERUS
Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I may
have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my poor
friend.[1] The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal
property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.
f[1] Heracles, the god of strength, was far from being remarkable
in the way of cleverness.
HERACLES
I a bastard! What's that you tell me?
PISTHETAERUS
Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman? Besides,
is not Athene recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter
would be that, if she had a legitimate brother.
HERACLES
But what if my father wished to give me his property on his
death-bed, even though I be a bastard?
PISTHETAERUS
The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the first to
lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate brother.
Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if
there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate
children, the property shall pass to the nearest kin."[1]
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